We're Not Countries!
by TheResidentDrunk
Summary: When Feliciano Vargas is accepted as a scholarship student to a prestigious private school, he must learn to cope with an overbearing older brother, bossy high school students, and the fact that almost the whole school is convinced that he's a girl. My first story, so reviews are appreciated.
1. Chapter One: I'm Not the Poor Kid!

_Feli_

Despite his normally cheerful attitude, as Feliciano Vargas stood in front the mirror in his new school uniform he felt only apprehension. Not fear or anxiety yet, merely...concern. Straightening his tie, the thirteen-year-old stared at his reflection, checking for problems. His 'stupid hair', as Lovino had nicknamed it, was sticking up again- he never could get it to lie straight. Nonetheless, pushing it down with his thumb, he gratefully noted that the rest of his appearance was perfect; and in the charcoal grey jacket, dress shoes, and collared shirt he truly felt that he'd fit in with the students at a private school, as someone on their level, not just the poor kid.

The scholarship students. Yup, that was them.

"Feliciano! Stop staring at yourself, we're gonna be late!" Lovino called from the doorway, wearing the irate expression he usually assumed around his younger brother, and Feli couldn't help but flinch.

"Coming, Romano!"

"And don't call me that at school," he grumbled as his brother grabbed his lunch- his favorite pasta, made from an old family recipe. "We're the new kids. I don't need people to start calling me by your stupid pet name. We're poor kids and newbies, so we've got to be perfect." They'd been speaking in Italian, but for the last sentence Lovino had switched to English. He didn't have as good of an accent as Feli, but he spoke it more. The younger was terrified of forgetting his Italian and spoke it whenever he could.

"We're not poor! And we're not 'newbies'." He too switched to English. "Big brother Francis goes there, too!" He'd been delighted to discover that the exchange student who'd stayed with them once would be attending as well, admittedly as a high school student.

"He's a perv and totally in the closet," the other muttered. "Also not your brother, dumbass. I don't want you talking to him. Now, stand up straight, keep your hands out of your pockets, firm handshakes with eye contact, speak in English, be polite to the older kids, and whatever you do, don't pull a spaz attack."

"Y-yes sir," Feli whispered, feeling overwhelmed. He'd been so excited that morning, but now his anxiety surfaced as a wave of terror. What if he messed up and made Lovino angry?

"I'm serious. Shout 'Pasta!' one time, you bastard, and I will- _what the _fuck _are you wearing?_"

He smoothed the grey knee-length skirt nervously. "Th-they didn't stock uniforms my size, so I b-bought a-"

"_Girl's_ uniform! Get the fuck home and change right now!"

He looked so furious that, before he was even conscious of the decision, Feli found himself breaking out in a run. And so it was that, on Feliciano Vargas's first day at the Himaruya Academy for the Sciences he found himself running to school, chased halfway by his brother Lovino shouting curses at the top of his lungs, until the later decided to salvage his dignity by dropping out of the race and walking the rest of the way to school.

_Roderich_

The Himaruya Academy for the Sciences was a prestigious school, a famous school, an academically focused school- an _expensive _school. Its students were the children of the rich and famous, the sort of people who would settle at nothing less than the best for their little darlings. The sons of Russian oligarchs rubbed shoulders with the little siblings of famous movie stars and pop idols. Politicians, diplomats, billionaires- all sent their children to the Academy to be educated. The student body was composed of the most intelligent, focused, and privileged teens in the world, and it was _not_ in the habit of accepting random middle-class students, no matter how much they'd achieved at their grubby little public schools.

Which was why Roderich Edelstein was astonished to hear that two scholarship students from Italy had recently been accepted into the Academy's Junior High. And even more astonished when one of aforementioned scholarship students- a poor kid, for goodness sake!- sat down at his table at lunch.

"Hello! I'm Feliciano Vargas! I'm new here." Startled, Roderich stared at the girl, mouth opened but nothing coming out. She was a seventh grader, and quite a small one too, staring at him with wide golden eyes and a cheerful smile. "I promise to work very hard and be a credit to this school!"

Finally he managed to find his voice. "I am Roderich Edelstein," the high-schooler said, fixing her with a stare from cold violet-blue eyes. "My friends call me Roderich. _You_, however, being a middle schooler-" and a lowly scholarship student- "may refer to me by my last name. And at Himaruya Academy, junior high students do not sit with high school students unless they are invited- which you were not."

"Roderich!" That was Elizabeta, glaring at him and stepping on his foot _hard_. His girlfriend beamed at the intruder. "Very pleased to make your acquaintance, Feliciano. I'm Elizabeta Hedervary. You're welcome to sit with us whenever you like, _right, Roderich_?"

And, well, when two girls were staring at you expectantly, one of them a hopeful looking little girl, and one your girlfriend, who was strong enough to beat you up with one hand behind her back...well, what were you supposed to do? Leaning back in his chair, the Austrian found himself muttering something like "Welcome to our table."

"Th-thank you!" Feliciano squeaked, perking right up, and she and Elizabeta immediately began chattering away while he ran his fingers exasperatedly through his hair and wondered what on earth the world was coming to.

"Tell me Feli- I can call you Feli, can't I?- are you one of the scholarship students we've been hearing so many wonderful things about?" Roderich couldn't help letting out a snort at that.

"Yeah! Me and my brother Lovino just moved here from Italy!"

"Do you like the U.S. so far? You know, most of the people who go here are from other countries too."

"Hey, who's this?"

Roderich turned around and found himself staring into the blue eyes of his cousin Ludwig. "Roderich?"

"Ah, yes. This is Feliciano Vargas, our new..._friend_. Feliciano, this is my cousin Ludwig Beilschmidt. He is, in fact, in the same grade as you." Hopefully Ludwig would put a stop to all of this, and order the newcomer to leave. And yet, as the blonde young man muttered an abstracted greeting, it could not help but be noticed that he was staring at the auburn-haired stranger with a strange expression on his face. Something that, if he hadn't known better, the older boy would have called...adoration.

Roderich Edelstein suddenly realized that his life was about to become very strange.

Very, very strange.


	2. Chapter Two: This Isn't a Joke!

**Two: This isn't a joke!**

_Feli_

When Feli came back from school he found his brother waiting for him.

He'd meant to come home as soon as school got out- really, he had. But Miss Herdevary and Ludwig had been so nice and friendly, and invited him to sit with them for a while at the cafe they normally frequented- and, well, he couldn't say _no_. They'd had a wonderful time, with the two high schoolers keeping up a lively discussion about music and composers, and Ludwig ordering Feli as much pasta as he could eat- which was quite a bit. And everyone had been so cheerful that he'd completely lost track of the time, and found himself cautiously opening the door to the little apartment at nine thirty-seven to find Lovino leaning against the counter, arms crossed and with a positively dangerous look in his golden eyes.

"Feliciano?"

"Yes?" he asked timidly.

"Where in the hell were you?"

"I-I was with some friends from school. W-we..." The sentence trailed off pathetically. He _knew_ this calm tone that belied his older brother's fury. Blustering, Lovino was harmless- tranquil was the telling sign, the warning.

"When did you meet these people?"

"T-t-today, but-"

"Did you know anything about them beforehand?"

"..."

"All right, you didn't know them. How did you try to contact me?"

He hung his head. "I d-didn't. Romano, I'm so-"

"Don't. Call me. That. Fucking. Name."

Stunned into silence, Feli stared at his brother. Leaning forward, the older grabbed him by the wrist, digging his nails into the tender skin.

"Why were you wearing girl's clothing again? You're a boy. People will make fun of you. Do you want that, Feliciano?"

"N-n-no."

"And people will make fun of _me_. Dammit Feliciano, I've worked too hard for this to have my life spoiled again by a stupid crossdresser!"

"Lovino, I'm-"

"Sorry? Sorry isn't worth anything, little brother." In Italian. The sudden switch was like a slap in the face. And yet suddenly, in a blinding flash the answer was delivered to Feli; the way to make the world all right again.

"Lovino," he said carefully in his best English. "The people at school think I'm a girl."

His older brother made a disgusted sound. "They _would_, wouldn't they?" Lovino tightened his grip on his wrist, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from yelping.

"There's nothing wrong with a girl wearing girl's clothing."

This brought a blank stare- and then, finally, his wrist was released, and his brother turned to the door, crossing the room in two quick strides. He paused in the doorway, looking Feli right in the eyes. "You make sure they keep thinking that, pasta eater." He grabbed his coat from its bent hook. "I'm going shopping."

The next morning when he woke up his brother's bed was empty. A plastic shopping bag full of girl's clothing sat on the table; t-shirts, skinny jeans and shorts, even a skirt. The marks had not disappeared from Feli's wrist.


	3. Chapter Three: My Brother Can't Come!

_Ludwig_

Ludwig Beilschmidt was both relieved and annoyed that Feli Vargas was waiting for him at school the next day, for the exact same reason: when he saw her, standing at attention in front of the Junior High entrance like she was about to subjected to a military review, he couldn't help but grin like an idiot.

Ludwig was not a bubbly extroverted person by nature, and tended to avoid those who were. He shouldn't _like_ Feli; he should be annoyed and disgusted. And yet as she called a greeting, waving her hand back and forth in the air like a metronome, he found himself blushing furiously and stammering "H-hello Feliciano- um, good...good morning."

"Buongiorno, Ludwig!" She fell into step beside him, smiling cheerfully at him. "Did you sleep well?"

"

Um-yeah. Fine." How could she be so cheerful? And why did her chattering evoke the same emotion in him, so that as they walked to their lockers he found himself the focus of whispers, all of which were to the effect of 'Did you see that? Beilschmidt's smiling!' 'What, did he gas some Jews last night or something?' Annoying, but today they didn't bother him at all.

"Eh, Feli? Will...will you be sitting with us at lunch again today."

"Si! Miss Hedervary and Mr Edelstein said I could sit there whenever I wanted!" He couldn't help but notice that, while with everyone else his new friend spoke exclusively in English, she apparently felt comfortable using Italian around him. A good sign? He didn't know.

"You know, you don't need to call them by their last names, and definitely not Mr and Miss. They're only tenth graders, not your employers."

"I don't? B-but Mr Edelstein said-"

"Ignore Roderich; he's a snob. Thinks that just because he's a distant descendant of the Hapsburgs that the world needs to bow and scrape to him." Nut.

"B-but it's good to be polite to highschoolers..."

"Do whatever you like, Feli," he said, shrugging. His cell phone decided to take that as a sign that it was allowed to beep loudly. _1 new text._ "Hey, I thought I turned this off." Well, he'd just check it quickly, though he didn't know who on earth it could be. At least, until he saw the screenname- then he knew exactly who it was. There it sat in the middle of his screen, a messenger of imminent doom that threatened to ruin his entire day.

**das0rdenstadt: school cancled 2day so im coming for a visit k**

Ludwig's cellphone clattered to the floor, dropped as though it had suddenly heated to a thousand degrees celsius; he muttered a rude word under his breath. "Ludwig, is something-"

"It's fine, Feli," he lied. Picking it up with shaking hands he quickly sent back a message.

**BeilschmidtL: Gil, this is a REALLY BAD TIME!**

Which was strictly the truth- it was always a really bad time for his brother to visit him a school. Of course, he shouldn't have expected him to even bother to _read_ Ludwig's response, because within three seconds the phone beeped again:

**das0rdenstadt: k its decided then ill be there at 12 lil bro**

**das0rdenstadt: over and out**

"Ludwig..." Feli was staring at him with, concern written all over her face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine; it's nothing, really." He looked away, not wanting to meet her eyes. "It's seven fifty-six, we should really- Hey, what's that?"

Angry red marks wrapped around his friend's wrist, already purpling into bruises, with the imprints of- _nails_- pressed into the skin. It was swollen nastily, too; it was a wonder she could even move it, and he realized now that she'd been favoring the other arm. His irritation quickly morphing into confusion, the German couldn't help but stare. "What happened?"

She pulled away. "I fell. Come on, let's get to class."

Ludwig was no doctor, but he'd seen enough bruises to know that you didn't get ones that looked like those from falling. From her guilty appearance, no doubt his friend was keeping secrets from him.

Tucking the treacherous phone into his pocket, he figured that that made two of them.


	4. Chapter Four: Prussia Isn't a Country!

_Roderich_

Ludwig shoved a cell phone under his nose before he even sat down. "Roderich."

Roderich Edelstein was not used to being so rudely accosted, especially during lunch, which was supposed to be his _break_, and especially not by Ludwig, who was supposed to know better. Swallowing his mouthful of food, the highschooler scowled, snatching the irritating contraption from his cousin's fingers. "What?" he snapped. Then he glanced at the series of (badly spelled) text messages, and was sorry he'd done so.

"It's Gil," Ludwig added, completely unnecessarily.

"I can _see_ that," he said, but the irritation had disappeared from his voice. "What time is it, then? And did you tell-" He glanced at Feliciano, sitting down next to Ludwig with a concerned look on her face. God help them all if she met Ludwig's brother- the Austrian shuddered even to think of it.

"I'm not stupid. Feli-" he turned to the girl, his voice kinder than Roderich remembered it ever being with one of his peers "-stay here with Roderich and Elizabeta, okay? I'll be back soon to eat lunch with you guys." Having said that, he turned and left, exiting the cafeteria with rather unseemly haste.

"Ahh, what-" Elizabeta started to ask. He showed her the phone, and she frowned. "That's not good. Well, Feli, how are you today?" Both she and Ludwig seemed to paying an undue amount of attention to their new quote-friend-unquote today.

"I'm fine, thank you." Feliciano shifted her left arm, tucking it under the table. Odd.

The attempts by both girls to make small talk soon fizzled out, and they sat in silence for a while, staring at their plates and not making eye contact.

"Mr Edelstein, wh-where did Ludwig go?" Feli asked suddenly.

He almost choked, but before he could respond with a non-answer, Elizabeta responded for him, a _distinctly_ annoying habit of hers.

"He's gone to meet his brother."

"His brother?" Feli perked up a little, then looked confused. "Doesn't the brother go to Himaruya too?"

"No, Gilbert goes to public school. He says it's more lively there."

Actually, what Gilbert had said was that wouldn't be caught dead going to a school of uptight uniform-wearing fuckasses. "Elizabeta!" Roderich hissed, trying to get her to shut up and not invite trouble. She, of course, ignored him.

"Is...Gilbert...a lot like Ludwig?"

"Mmm, not really; he's much sloppier and louder."

"And more of a violent juvenile delinquent," Roderich pointed out. "I'd like to talk about something else now, if you wouldn't _mind_."

The little girl's face froze. "More violent?"

"Yes," he said dismissively, "He used to get into fights with Elizabeta all the time." Still did, actually- the dirty hoodlum. "He's been arrested more than once. Now, can we move on?"

Feliciano stood up, suddenly looking more determined than he'd seen her before. "I- I'm going to go make sure Ludwig's okay, Mr Edelstein."

And the irony of the universe was such that, as he stared after her as Feli ran out of the cafeteria, his mouth open like an imbecile, his girlfriend stomped on his foot and glared at him as if this was _his_ fault.

_Feli_

Violent and a juvenile delinquent- those were the thoughts flashing through Feli's head as he ran through the hall, bumping past older students. A few of them cussed him out, but he ignored them. _I need to find Ludwig._

But he couldn't find his friend anywhere, at any of the school entrances, nor anyone who looked like his brother- not that he was entirely sure that 'Gilbert' would bear any family resemblance. All the highschoolers he saw, even those who he could have sworn looked like they could be a relation of his or Mr Edelstein's, wore the school uniform, which surely meant that the brother hadn't arrived yet. So, defeated, he slumped near a water fountain, ignoring a few odd looks from some girls passing him by. At least Romano wasn't a delinquent, terrifying as he could sometimes be. He owed it to his friend to at least _try_ to help- but once again, he had failed.

"Hey kid." The unexpected voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he looked up. At first he thought it was merely some concerned passer-by, wondering if the strange little girl was all right (or cutting class). Then, of course, he saw that the boy standing in front of him was most certainly not simply a passer-by. In fact, he was the strangest person Feliciano Vargas had ever seen.

The stranger was tall and thin, and his skin was pale to the degree that in normal people is caused by sitting inside all day staring at a glowing screen. Feli wasn't entirely sure that this was a normal person, though. His hair was a pale silver-grey (the seventh grader had seen some powder in the corner drugstore promising to produce the effect) and needed to be cut. In fact, everything about this boy screamed nonconformity. He was dressed in a dark-blue coat straight out of a history book- the part where the eighteenth century armies are lining up in nice rows to shoot at people- over a black t-shirt and baggy jeans. And nice boots. And there was a tricorn hat under his arm.

"You fucking crying, or what?" the boy asked, pushing dark glasses up. Which gave a clear view of eerie red eyes, looking disconcertingly amused.

Feli suddenly knew, with absolute certainty, who this was. "H-H-Hello, M-Mr Beilschmidt."

Gilbert laughed, and the glasses snapped back into place. "No shit. Smart little fuckass- but it's Prussia to you." He looked around; he didn't seem very familiar with the school. "So, Oh Smart One, you're a Sev, ja? So where do you most privileged of fuckass Sevs chill this time of day, my amigo."

Feli didn't answer. "I know your brother."

He went very still, and his voice got quiet. "Funny coinkydink there, since he's the Sev I was here to see. Where's he at?"

"He's right here, _Gilbert_. I came looking for you."

There was Ludwig, staring at his brother with a blank, unfriendly look on his face. The Italian breathed a sigh of relief. "Why are you here?"

"Wesser, my man! Thought I told you to call me Prussia, bro." 'Prussia' hadn't seemed startled at all; now he started toward his brother.

He stepped back, folding his arms across his chest. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Oh, so now you care about school rules?" He shook his head disappointingly. "Gettin' too much like Edelstein. You used to be a much cooler dude than that, Wesser."

"Don't call me Wesser any more, _Gilbert_." Ludwig's voice had pretty much reached absolute zero, by now. "Just go away and leave me alone."

"What, not even gonna introduce me to your little buddy?" His eyes flickered to Feli, who'd stood stock still this entire time. "Rude, especially since she knows my name already."

"M-My name is Feliciano V-Vargas," he stammered nervously, not wanting to be impolite even to this very strange older boy. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr Beil- Mr Prussia."

"No, Feli, you aren't. You don't have to speak to my brother." He turned to his brother, staring at Feliciano with head cocked. "You met her. Now leave, Gil."

When Gil spoke, it wasn't to the blond. "Feliciano, eh? Strange name for a girl. In fact-" He stepped towards Feli, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "I'm not sure you are one."

"Gilbert, you-"

"Keep yer shirt on- _Wesser_." He danced back from the trembling Feli, taking his glasses off to stare him straight in the face with those eyes of his. "I'm leaving. Bye-bye, Ludwig. Bye, Smart Fuckass." With that, he strolled nonchalantly off, in roughly the direction of the main entrance.

"I'm sorry you had to talk to him," Ludwig said. "I'll tell him to fuck off when I get home." He hesitated, then continued. "But...What'd he say, just then? You look white as a sheet."

But Feli could only stare after the boy called Prussia. "What?" He laughed nervously.

"Oh, nothing."


End file.
